It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
