Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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