Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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