Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
