Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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