just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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