I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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