Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
