When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize