i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
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Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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