I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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