did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
