The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
