My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Let's get the cat blown out
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
