Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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