My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
