i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
