I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
