I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
