I hate all girls vehemently.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
