I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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