if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
