I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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