Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
