i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
