smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Terrible idea I love it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
