dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
