She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
