this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
