Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Can you bring me the toilet please
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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