apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
