Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
