See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!