I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
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the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
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I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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