I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
