I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder