she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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