they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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