Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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