If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
