so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i think im in europe. pls send help
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
