Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
