What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
