He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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