the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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