My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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