Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
wanna go halves on a baby?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
