I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
