i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
