ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Randomize
