Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We're too hungover to prance.
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