HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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