He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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