Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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