No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize