i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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