I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
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The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
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If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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