you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
