New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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