I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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