is your mom at the bar?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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