the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
