Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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