he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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