Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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