it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he puts the penis in happiness.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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