oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
