I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
