Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
