I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
