its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
