You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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