I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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