stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
