dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
