A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
