I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
